When trying to think of a conflict to discuss I had a tough time trying to think of one. I try to live my life with as little stress as possible. I only had to ask my girlfriend about a conflict and she chimed in with quite a few. The one I will be focusing on is a conflict that arose when trying to figure out when we should leave to visit my family for the holidays. Within this paper I will be discussing the five stages of the constructive conflict process. As stated our text book, “A successfully resolved conflict moves through a series of five recognizable stages, steps or phases with each stage affecting the next” (Abigail, Cahn, 2011, p. 22). I plan on going through these phases one by one and detail my experience in resolving this conflict.
The first phase is the prelude to the conflict. The parties involved were my girlfriend and I. We were lying in bed when we were trying figure what would be the best time to leave for Thanksgiving. We normally see eye to eye on most things but this one was different. We were scheduled to go home and see my family for Thanksgiving. I had to work on the Wednesday before and I thought that we should leave that night to make the trip from Southern California to Northern California. Making the trip during the night when most people aren’t willing to drive seemed logical top me; not to my girlfriend she thought we should leave in the morning really early.
The second phase is the triggering event. The trigger began when she said that “I know what it will be like trying to drive on the day before Thanksgiving”. I too know that the day before Thanksgiving is a terrible day to travel. What really made me mad was when she insisted that we leave in the morning. I stated that I have made that trip as well and have had success leaving in the evening to avoid all the commuters that try to avoid driving at night, she saw this is the opposite light and swore that she was right and we should leave in the morning.
The third phase is the initiation of conflict. This occurred when I asked my girlfriend why she thinks that we should leave in the morning. She stated that she had traveled during the day before Thanksgiving and it was a real mess. My problem arose when she didn’t site examples of when she left and what traffic existed and at what times she got caught in it. I knew that they key factor was what time to get through Los Angeles and she made no point to describe when she had gotten stuck there; she just simply thought that she was right for wanting to leave in the morning.
The fourth phase is the differentiation phase. I got mad at my girlfriend because she had no proof other than some shady recollection of sometime when she was a child traveling with her family. I had actual proof in the fact that I had made the trip many times throughout the years. We both could not see each other’s point of view and swore that the other was wrong. The conflict just escalated because she could not cite specific example and I could, so I had no reason to believe that she was telling me was valid. I am sure that she had sat in traffic in Los Angeles but who hasn’t.
The last phase is the resolution phase. The resolution came days later when we agreed to ask around to friends and family to see what time they think that we should leave. After asking around and doing my own research it was obvious that we should leave on Wednesday night. According to yahoo.com the best time to leave is after 7 or 8 o’clock (yahoo.com, 2010. P1). The fact is that not as many people have the ability to drive late at night making the roads less congested in turn making for a faster trip. This created a win lose situation; as stated by the slide share article that I accessed for our first discussion post, and I was more than happy to be on the winning end of it.
As I know realize that life is full of conflict and that I just chose to forget about most of them. Now in hind sight I see the phases that we went through in order to come to a conclusion. This may have seemed like a small conflict but in fact took days to resolve. In this case there was a winner and loser. Not ideal for resolving most conflicts but in this case it seemed successful, maybe because I was the winner. By detailing the experience is easy to see that most if not all conflicts go through these five phases. Only in in hind sight are we able to break it down into the respective categories. I hope that if you ever come across this scenario that you will know that it is better to leave late at night when leaving for Southern California to Northern California on the day before Thanksgiving.
References
Abigail, R.A., Cahn, D.D. (2011). Managing Conflict Through Communication. Boston, MA
Pearson Education Inc.
Best Time to Drive Through Los Angeles? Retrieved on November 22, 2010
Intro to Conflict Styles and Conflict Resolution. Retrieved on November 18, 2010